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coming of age celebrations

the celebration 

"In times past there were rituals of passage that conducted a boy into manhood, where other men passed along the wisdom and responsibilities that needed to be shared. But today we have no rituals. We are not conducted into manhood; we simply find ourselves there.” – Kent Nerburn

In most cultures and countries around the world, the coming of age ceremony is an anticipated celebration for those who are moving from childhood to adulthood. These celebrations are most often tied to the 13th or 16th birthday of the young person. Although there are numerous elements that might be included, listed below are some age and culturally appropriate elements that could be included in a North American coming-of-age ceremony. 

opening words and introduction

special readings

words of affirmation or blessings from peers

words of affirmation or blessings from parents

words of affirmation or blessings from parents

gifts of significance or responsibility

motivational moment

presentation of the "thirteenity" manifesto

response from the child

 

opening words and introduction

These opening words are given by the one leading the ceremony and explain how rites of passage and coming of age ceremonies have been a part of many cultures throughout history. They explain that the ceremony is an intentional gathering of the child's "village" or "tribe" - family members, peers and adult friends - where the young person is publicly celebrated and affirmed as becoming an adult.

special readings

These readings add personality and perspective to the ceremony. The Celebrant or a family member will read a special poem, story, or spiritual passage that is significant to the young person. Here are a few examples...

"If" by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

"The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

"Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

“Do Good Anyway” by Mother Theresa
 
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Proverbs 2:1-6

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Ecclesiastes 12:1-14

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them"- before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars grow dark, and the clouds return after the rain; when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men stoop, when the grinders cease because they are few, and those looking through the windows grow dim; when the doors to the street are closed and the sound of grinding fades; when men rise up at the sound of birds, but all their songs grow faint, when men are afraid of heights and of dangers in the streets; when the almond tree blossoms and the grasshopper drags himself along and desire no longer is stirred. Then man goes to his eternal home and mourners go about the streets. Remember him—before the silver cord is severed, or the golden bowl is broken; before the pitcher is shattered at the spring, or the wheel broken at the well, and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Everything is meaningless!" Not only was the Teacher wise, but also he imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true. The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one Shepherd. Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

words of affirmation or blessings from peers

Sometimes one or more friends of the child is invited to affirm their friendship and character qualities they appreciate about them. This can be planned in advance or done spontaneously. Each friend can speak one word that best describes them or share a short tribute story about them. It is best to prepare a few of those attending to speak first so there is no awkward silence as this time begins.

words of affirmation or blessings from significant adults

This is an important element of the celebration where one or more adults speak words of affirmation to the child. Participants can include teachers, aunts or uncles, coaches, mentors, club leaders, even neighbours. These tributes can include memories of when the child was growing up, blessings or affirmations for future success, and any words of appreciation of the growing positive characteristics the adult has seen in the child.

words of affirmation or blessings from parents

Parents or guardians now have the opportunity to speak words of tribute and affirmation. This statement of blessing to their child could include many elements...

gifts of significance or responsibility

Gifts are an important part of many different celebrations. For a Coming of Age ceremony, there are two reasons for gifts. We identify them as gifts of significance and gifts of responsibility. 

Gifts of significance are given as a reminder of the special nature of the occasion. They can be family heirlooms, keepsakes, art pieces, or items that speak of a character quality or desired attribute for the child. One family gave their 16 year old daughter a replica sword from Lord of the Rings. The sword of Eowyn spoke of the beauty, courage and leadership of the character Eowyn. Gifts of significance are usually items that will be kept for many years to come and possibly given again to someone of the next generation.

Gifts of responsibility speak of the new level of maturity that will be expected in the life of the child from the "tribe" or "village". This new potential is encouraged by the gift that is given. These are normally practical gifts that can be used right away. These could include keys to the family car, payment for driver training classes, a cell phone, or new laptop.

motivational moment

This brief message spoken directly to the child by the Celebrant is an affirmation, blessing, and challenge for them to strive for success in every area of their adult life. The message is personally crafted and uniquely tailored for each child and will be delivered in an age and culturally appropriate manner. 

response from the child

This brief speech from the child includes words of appreciation for all who have participated in this special celebration. The Celebrant can assist in the crafting of this speech. 

presentation of the "thirteenity" manifesto

This is a beautiful statement of commitment to 13 key virtues the young person makes in concert with their tribe. The "thirteenities" include...

Maturity

Responsibility

Generosity

Curiosity

Spirituality

Tenacity

Creativity

Integrity

Humility

Unity

Purity

Flexibility

Authenticity